This is a phase in 90% of everyone’s life irrespective of the gender. The phase which you would never want to relive. It is also the phase that you blame yourself and your decisions, put yourself down and the chapter in your life that you wish you could forget. But why? Sometimes even the most calculated move might fail. What would you listen to? Your heart or your brain? When it comes to love, is it the heart? Or, do you think it is better to chart out the Pros and Cons and decide whether it is the right choice? I would say, both. Sometimes, your heart fools you. The heart only sees the purest of everything. It doesn’t know what is there on the other side of the mirror. On the other hand, the brain is very calculative. We need to listen to both of it to actually know how we feel about a person or anything of that matter.
You might say,” I made a decision with all my heart and soul. Yet, it failed”. My answer to it is, YES! Sometimes life takes a ‘U-turn’, no matter how and what you do. I want you to imagine this. A young adult girl, sobbing and hitting herself to have been a failure; have been always the back-up over a dozen of girls in every relationship. You believed that the world was him, imagined the next 60 years of your life with him starting from the curtains of your dream house to the socks that you would knit for him in his old age. Everything went smooth in the initial days. Everything was rosy. You thought this is the life you have dreamt of-“The Perfect love life”. BOOM! It became the opposite of what you thought.
I was this person too. Not once, but twice. My first love which lasted for 3 years with so any hurdles. Something inside me kept saying that it won’t work. I was physically and verbally abused for each and everything that you could imagine. I was not allowed to talk to any men.I was restricted to wear only clothes that were loose and which covered my entire body. I was made to feel that I was fat and ugly. I have a dusky complexion. I was made to feel like a person who was given this golden opportunity for someone to like me. I was cheated on twice. I couldn’t go against him as I was scared what he could do to me. At last, I took the courage to stand for myself and say “NO”. The phase after this was not very easy. The thoughts of him calling me names haunted me. I started to believe whatever he had uttered before. Those words emotionally ruined me. Despite it taking me months, I finally realized that I became very submissive.I am responsible for the way I was treated. Had I had the courage to stand for myself in the very beginning, things would have not been the same.I self-pushed myself to become a strong and independent woman that I know I am. This transition phase was very tedious. Changing yourself to the person you were.
I still believed that not all men are bad. I believed people. I fell in love with this guy who would accept me for who I am. This time I made the decision by consulting both my heart and brain. We were madly in love. We supported each other and helped each other in every way we could. It was all Rosy again. It seemed “PERFECT”. BOOM! I failed again. He broke up with no reason. I again became the person I was a few years back. Self-destruction invited me with a big hug. I was made to think I was worthless. I don’t deserve love and affection. The words of the first guy haunted me again. I stopped loving myself. I believed that I was at fault.I couldn’t sleep because the nightmares were worse than reality, which had become my own personal hell. I started overeating because of the anxiety caused from overthinking. I came back to the same place where I was a few years back. When you see all the people around you getting married to their childhood sweetheart, going on trips I felt why is my life like this? Why just ME? People say that ‘Karma hits you’. I haven’t hurt anyone. I am not revengeful. Then why? I went crazy. Stopped socializing.Sometimes, loneliness teaches you lessons that are invaluable. I started owning my decisions. I took ownerships of my problems.
Now, I don’t hate either of them. Instead, I would like to thank them for teaching me this invaluable lesson. I thank them for the person they have helped me become. I believed that the situation is far better than a distorted relationship that would have made things, even more, worse. I am not that person anymore who would blame herself for everything. I have turned to a person who is self-made and who decides what should affect her.I would not give the power to anyone to ruin my happiness.I realised that I am the only person who can lift myself up. I wish only good for them. I don’t wish them to go through the same.
All I want to say here is, It is okay to fail. You become better. Treat this as an opportunity that god has given you to make your life better. Don’t hate things around you. Start seeing things more positively. I’m sure, negativity will manifest you. Overcome it. Rule it! Put this in your subconscious mind.”I am the happiest.I can do it. This is just a bad phase in life. It will pass”. Trust me, you will start feeling good about yourself. Don’t let anyone or anything ruin your happiness. Channelise your energy into something else. Walks don’t work for me. Long walks make me think too much. It is very natural to get a thousand thoughts into your head. You feel like 2 people speaking inside your brain-“one which supports you and the other that blames you for your mistakes”. Don’t try to stop them. Schedule 15 mins every day to let those thought fight amongst themselves but don’t let them rule you. After 15 mins SHUT THEM UP. Say that “Both of you get out right now”. Make yourself busy. An idle mind is the devil’s workshop. As I said before, channelise your energy into something. Dress well. Keep doing what you love. You don’t have to restrict yourself for anyone. You don’t have to impress anyone. Start living for yourself. At last, you start doing things for yourself that no one would do.Be graceful. Do anything and everything that makes you feel positive. Love yourself and don’t give the power to anyone to take over your happiness.